Sunday, September 9, 2012

A Quick One: Top 5 Characters That Can't Catch a Break

Hai gais. To hold you over for the next one (a top 17) here's a quick un'. Yes I'm still making content, where have you been Willis? Anyway... here ya go.


Number 5: Steve
Steve is our beloved player avatar from Minecraft. When does he catch his breaks? Hardly. He mines all day, barely eats, and to top it off... his house is invaded by exploding zombies during the night. Steve sleeps in his bed in fear of the room above of him exploding, from our friend the creeper... SSSSSSSS.....

FUS... RO DAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's okay Steve, your house was only made of dirt.

Number 4: Mario
Aah Mario. A nice platform game star from all eras of gaming. He really doesn't catch any breaks.
1. A giant turtle is always stealing his girlfriend.
2. New games and adventures for Mario to embark on are made practically every other day.
3. This:
In the original, Super Mario Bros. Toad tells you, after you work your butt off in a dark room, turn away your girlfriend, and don't eat for 3 days, "OUR PRINCESS IS IN ANOTHER CASTLE!"


Number 3: Wander
Wander, from Shadow of The Colossus, has a life full of desperation and no rest. First, Wander's Lady friend dies and he loves her so much to go to the length of making a deal with the devil to get her back. But...
SPOILER ALERT! He ends up getting killed in the process, as well becoming possessed by the devil and turning into a baby, which his now live girl friend doesn't know who that baby is. Oh, and to top it off, his best friend supposedly dies and after he turns into a baby, shows up alive again. So he didn't get to say goodbye :(

Number 2: Sora
Sora may live on a tropical island and not have any schooling, but that goes awry. He is chosen to wield a keyblade, go on an overly long journey to save us from the "darkness" and kill every single heartless creature in sight. On top of this unwanted crap this lazy kid gets, his girlfriend is captured, his best friend is as well, and he is split up into 2 halves. Oh and the still-beating-heart, on top of the whipped turd on the crap sundae that is Sora's life, he deals... with GOOBY and DOLAN...
Y'know... if he wants darkness to go away... why not just turn a light on?

Number 1: Samus Aran
I really don't know much about Samus, but what the little I know about her tells her tale of a crappy and non resting life. Samus' parents were killed by space pirates and she was raised by creepy looking aliens. She lives off the money that she gains from killing people, her rival is a giant space pterodactyl, and she has a black evil twin. Just think about that... if you make a living by killing 1 person a day... it would take Samus 7 billion days to kill the whole world if we were all on a wanted list. That's a pretty sad existence. For one, I sure wouldn't wanna kill people in my daily work :)
She's purdy tho.

Thanks for continuing to read 1-Up Games stuff! I'll continue to work on my stuff for you! Thanks!